Persevering as a Kinship Caregiver: When a Short-Term Placement Becomes a Long-Term Change

Becky Schmidgall, Kinship Family Group Facilitator

When you first said yes to stepping in as a kinship caregiver, you may have imagined a temporary detour—something you could manage for a few months while life stabilized for the child you love. But sometimes, that "short-term" commitment quietly stretches into something more permanent, reshaping your future in ways you didn’t anticipate. Whether you’re months or years into this journey, perseverance becomes both an act of love and an ongoing practice.

Here are fourteen tangible ways to sustain yourself and your family when the road gets long:

1. Stay Curious and Keep Learning

Children who come into kinship care often carry trauma, grief, and unique mental health needs. Educate yourself through trauma-informed care (TIC) trainings, read about compassion fatigue, and learn the nuances of supporting children with anxiety, ADHD, or attachment disorders. Knowledge won’t solve every challenge, but it will equip you to respond with empathy and confidence.

2. Find Your People

You are not alone. Connecting with other kinship caregivers—through support groups, online forums, or informal meetups—can offer comfort, advice, and a deep sense of belonging. These relationships can be lifelines, especially when others in your circle don’t understand the complexities of your role.

3. Build and Embrace Support Systems

Don’t wait for crisis to seek help. Establish a network of friends, family, neighbors, and professionals who can pitch in, listen, or offer guidance. Whether it's someone to bring over dinner, swap child care for a weekend, or simply let you vent—support matters.

4. Monitor for Burnout

Caring for kids with trauma while also grieving your own lost expectations can be exhausting. Watch for signs of burnout: irritability, fatigue, cynicism, or detachment. These aren’t moral failings—they’re signals that you need rest and replenishment.

5. Use Respite When You Can

Even if formal respite services are hard to access, get creative. Arrange a “kid swap” with a trusted caregiver, ask a relative to take the kids for a sleepover, or sign them up for a safe weekend program. Time away—however brief—can restore perspective and stamina.

6. Sabbath Intentionally

Self-care isn’t optional; it’s essential. Think about how you work during the week and find rest in its opposite. If your hands are always busy, let your mind rest—read, reflect, pray. If your mind carries the load, let your hands take over—garden, paint, bake. Honoring a personal sabbath, even once a week, can bring clarity and peace.

7. Realign Expectations

Long-term caregiving often comes with hard trade-offs. Maybe your career path shifted. Maybe retirement looks different now. Maybe you’re single parenting when you didn’t plan to. These changes can trigger grief. Acknowledge the loss. Mourn what was. Then, give yourself grace as you step into what is.

8. Seek Professional Help

You’re not expected to navigate this alone. Therapists, psychiatrists, primary care doctors, naturopaths, specialists, and dieticians can be part of your support team. Seeking professional help is a wise and brave choice, not a last resort.

9. Celebrate Progress

When you’re deep in the trenches, it can be hard to see the wins. Ask a trusted friend or therapist to help you notice the progress—both yours and your child’s. Celebrate milestones, no matter how small. Joy is a powerful antidote to fatigue.

10. Plan Financially

Money stress adds pressure to an already intense role. Begin with a simple monthly budget, track your spending, and gradually build habits that reduce financial strain. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about sustainability and peace of mind.

11. Establish Predictable Routines

Children who’ve experienced chaos find comfort in structure. Daily and weekly rhythms (meals, chores, bedtime rituals, screen time boundaries) help kids know what to expect—and help you manage the household with greater ease and fewer power struggles.

12. Create Family Traditions

Traditions give shape to a child’s world and root them in a sense of belonging. Maybe it’s Sunday pancakes, Friday movie nights, or an annual hike in Sabino Canyon. These moments build connection and give everyone something to look forward to.

13. Embrace Local Joys

Tucson is rich with culture and fun—explore what delights you and your kids! From the vibrant “Tucson Meet Yourself” festival to 80s night at Skate Country or summer library programs, local events can break up the routine and bring needed joy. Choose activities that energize you, not overwhelm you.

14. Shape Your Family Culture

Your family is unique. Define what matters to you: how you handle conflict, what values you live by, how you show love. This intentional culture will carry your family through the highs and lows and give your kids a meaningful sense of identity.

Being a kinship caregiver is not just a role—it’s a daily choice to love through uncertainty, grief, and sacrifice. But you don’t have to just survive it. With intentional rhythms, support, and grace, you and your family can thrive.